This week's book: "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane.
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than in two years by trying to get people interested in you."
Dale Carnegie
I've always assumed charisma was something you either had or you didn't. Some people just walk into a room and command it, and the rest of us watch and wonder how.
This week's book says I had it wrong.
Olivia Fox Cabane's whole argument is that charisma isn't a personality you're born with. It's a set of behaviors, ones you can learn, practice, and get better at. She breaks it into three pieces:
Presence is giving someone your full, undivided attention.
Power is the sense that you're capable and able to affect the world around you.
Warmth is showing people you genuinely care about them.
Here's what grabbed me so far. This isn't always about becoming the loudest or most outgoing person in the room. It can be just the opposite. Some of the most charismatic people barely raise their voice. What they do is make you feel like the most important person in the room. Presence over performance.
That flips the perception of charisma from something you're stuck with into something you can build. Which, for a guy who never thought of himself as the magnetic one at the party, is genuinely good news.
Here's the promise for the week: by Saturday you'll understand Cabane's three pillars, an honest take on what actually works and what feels like a parlor trick, and one small thing you can practice to leave people feeling better after talking to you.
Quick question to start the week: who's the most charismatic person you know, and what do they actually do that makes them that way? Hit reply, I read every one.
I'll go first: the most magnetic man I ever knew was my grandfather. He wasn't loud. He just made every single person feel like they mattered to him. I've spent my life trying to figure out how he did it. This might be the week I start to understand it.
Reading ahead?
Next week we're reading "Start" with the subtitle “Punch fear in the face, Escape average, Do work that matters” by Jon Acuff. If you like to follow along, now's a good time to grab a copy so it's on your shelf by Monday. Forgot to order in time? The Kindle version is instant.
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Talk tomorrow,
Mike
Practical wisdom for the life you're building