This week's book: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."
Dale Carnegie
On Monday I made a small confession: I'd never read this book. At 64, somehow the most famous personal-development book of them all had slipped right past me. So, I set out to find whether advice written in 1936 is still relevant in 2026.
Here's the week in a few lines. Dale Carnegie grew up a poor Missouri farm kid turned traveling salesman turned teacher, who spent 15 years testing his ideas on real students before he ever wrote a word of this famous book. We learned his core principles: don't criticize, give sincere appreciation, and above all, become genuinely interested in other people. I told you about the best chapter of my career, building a brokerage firm in the 90’s on the promise to my team, "I work for you, not the other way around", which, it turns out, was Carnegie's very first principle in action. And we looked at his hardest lesson for a stubborn guy like me: you can't win an argument. Winning the point isn't worth losing the relationship.
My honest take on the book: it holds up remarkably, almost eerily, well. Some of the many examples, there are dozens, are dated (lots of 1930s businessmen and long-gone celebrities), and the title still sounds a little slick in today’s world. But the substance? Timeless.
That above quote is the key. Carnegie says we are not creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. That is as true today as it was in 1936, because it's not about technology or culture or the era. It's about human nature, and human nature barely moves. We still want to feel heard. We still want to feel important. We are still drawn to the person who is genuinely interested in us and avoid those who make us feel small. All of that was as true for a farmer in 1936 as it is for you and me scrolling on our phones tonight.
Which is why the one warning Carnegie repeats matters so much: none of it works as a technique. The moment "become interested in people" becomes a trick to get something, people feel the fakeness and it backfires. It only works when it's real. That's the entire thing, and it's why the slightly manipulative-sounding title is misleading.
Here's what I realized at the end. Carnegie isn't really teaching us how to win friends. He's teaching us how to be one. Be genuinely interested. Listen more than you talk. Make people feel important, because they are. Don't work too hard to win an argument. That's not a strategy for getting ahead. That's just the definition of being a good person.
This week's challenge
Pick one person in your life and, this week, practice one Carnegie principle on them, for real. Ask about their life and truly listen. Offer genuine appreciation you've been meaning to voice. Let an argument go. Send, in the mail, a thank you card. Don't do it to get anything. Do it because they matter. Then notice what it does, for them, and for you.
Which of Carnegie's ideas do you most need to work on? I'd love to hear, if you feel like sharing.
I'll go first: not needing to win the argument. I'm a natural debater, ask my wife, and learning to choose the relationship over being right has been the work of a lifetime. I'm better than I was. Still working on it but I’m happy to report I’m getting better at it. And its only been a few days.
Next week
I'll announce next week's book in the next day or two. Watch your inbox.
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I'll be back Monday,
Mike
Helping you become the best version of yourself