This week's book: "Don’t Believe Everything You Think" by Joseph Nguyen.
"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them."
Epictetus
I'll be straight with you: I've found this one a tougher read than I expected. It hits the same point a lot, and I've had to push myself to keep going. But underneath the repetition sits one idea I think is genuinely worth your time, so let’s touch on that.
Here it is: the thing that happens to you is rarely the problem. The story you tell yourself about it is. An event happens and a thought forms, which according to Nguyen is neutral on its own. Then your mind gets to work thinking: replaying it, spinning it, adding meaning that may or may not be correct. By the time it's done, you're not reacting to what happened. You're reacting to what you told yourself about what happened.
That's the suffering. And according to Nguyen it's mostly optional.
For four years I stood at a desk working the phones at the edge of a trading pit in Chicago, excited but also dreading the day I'd have to step in and trade myself. After all, it was going to be my own hard earned money on the line. My mind built that moment into a potential catastrophe. When the day finally came, I nearly froze, made one small trade, and walked out to catch my breath. Nothing bad happened. I even made a little money.
One thing to try today
Next time something knocks you sideways, split it in two. Say what actually happened in one sentence. Then pay attention to the story your mind tells you. Nguyen says that the gap between them is where the suffering lives, and just seeing the gap gives you some perspective.
What's a story your mind loves to tell you that isn't actually true? Hit reply, I read every one.
I'll go first: mine is still "you should have seen that coming." It shows up fast and makes me feel bad, or dumb, or some other negative emotion that is almost always wrong and definitely useless.
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Talk tomorrow,
Mike
Practical wisdom for the life you're building